


online, offline, invisible

by triggerwarninghappy



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Chatting & Messaging, Disabled Character, Disappointment, Memes, Multi, Rare Pairings, Twitter-ish, rare pair hell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-03 15:14:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19466623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triggerwarninghappy/pseuds/triggerwarninghappy
Summary: fergalicious.avoricious: guys please take als energy drink away for the love of godmetallicats: GUYS I LOOK LIKE WADE WILSON FROM DEADPOOLgearhead: isn't it like three am your time alphonseregular.sized.man: yeah but we've got homework





	1. kpop vs jpop

**Author's Note:**

> Edward - regular.sized.man - 17, junior - bisexual - FtM Transgendered  
> Alphonse - metallicats - 16, junior - pansexual - Nonbinary (they/them)  
> Ling - linkyaoi - 17, junior - gay - cis male  
> Mei - pandaexpress - 15, sophomore - straight - cis female  
> Winry - gearhead - 17, junior - demisexual - cis female  
> Greed (James) - fergalicious.avoricious - 18, senior - pansexual - Genderfluid (they/them/he/him)  
> Lan Fan - ninjachan - 18, graduated - ace - Nonbinary (xey/xem)  
> Lust (Solaris) - rayoffuckingsunshine - 17, junior - bisexual - cis female  
> Envy (Canah) - noboyfriend.noproblem - 17, junior - pansexual - Nonbinary (they/them)  
> Roy - BigDaddy - 32, arson officer - married to Riza  
> Riza - BiggerMommy - 30, gang violence officer - married to Roy

**The C Team**

**Members -**

_regular.sized.man_  
_metallicats_  
 _linkyaoi_  
_pandaexpress_  
_gearhead_  
_fergalicious.avaricious_  
_ninjachan_  
_rayoffuckingsunshine_  
_noyboyfriend.noproblem_

\- _regular.sized.man_ is online - 

regular.sized.man: hey has anyone noticed that jpop is amazing

gearhead: weeb

regular.sized.man: okay listen here you korean ass wannabe ho

linkyaoi: hey i gotta agree with ed here

linkyaoi: mainly cause i wont get movie night if i dont

ninjachan: as a korean jap i am conflicted between the two

pandaexpress: i like kpop!

metallicats: I like KPOP too! 

fergalicious.avaricious: al we're breaking up

metallicats: Wait No

pandaexpress: HA He's Mine

regular.sized.man: alphonse we arent brothers anymore im disowning you

rayoffuckingsunshine: hey chemistry is great

regular.sized.man: subject or band

rayoffuckingsunshine: band you idiot

fergalicious.avaricious: this is why you're my favorite sister

rayoffuckingsunshine: im your only sister asshole

ninjachan: is anyone else noticing that someones been keeping quiet this whole time

linkyaoi: huh

linkyaoi: **@noboyfriend.noproblem** where u at you salty thot

rayoffuckingsunshine: oh theyre getting high with pride behind costco

noboyfriend.noproblem: yeah i am

regular.sized.man: without me??? bitch

noboyfriend.noproblem: you're the little bitch here 

regular.sized.man: WHO YOU CALLING LITTLE YOU UGLY FUCK

metallicats: woah there cowboy calm down

regular.sized.man: noh

gearhead: all these flavors and you choose to be salty

noboyfriend.noproblem: but for the record kpop is greater than jpop

fergalicious.avaricious: ftr lust just threw her phone across the room good job envy

ninjachan: yeah good job except she hit me in the fucking head thanks asshole

noboyfriend.noproblem: yw

noboyfriend.noproblem: wait why is the jap hanging out with my sister

ninjachan: UH GOTTA BLAST

rayoffuckingsunshine: HEY LOOK AT THE TIME I GOTTA GO

fergalicious.avaricious: yo hey is my sister getting laid with more than a one night stand

ninjachan: hey sorry to burst your bubble asexual here

rayoffuckingsunshine: and for the record xey brought kill la kill with xem

fergalicious.avaricious: omw down to watch with you 

rayoffuckingsunshine: no stay in your room 

metallicats: Lust may I watch Kill la Kill with you and Lan Fan?

rayoffuckingsunshine: ofc al come thither

fergalicious.avaricious: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS

metallicats: It do be like that sometimes, huh James?

regular.sized.man: HELLO 911 SOMEONE JUST MEMED WITH PROPER GRAMMER

metallicats: Grammar*

metallicats: And it's not that uncommon brother! Lots of people shorten their grammar sometimes, and lots of people use proper grammar! But now I can see that this is the reason you're bad at essays.

gearhead: HI HELLO 911? YES SOMEONE JUST GOT MURDERED

pandaexpress: i'm crying in the club rn

regular.sized.man: beautiful

**Family Feud**

**Members -**

_bigdaddy_  
_biggermommy_  
_regular.sized.man  
_ _metallicats_

\- _e_ _veryone_ is online - 

biggermommy: homework better be done with all the texting you're doing edward

regular.sized.man: wow riza you doubt me?

biggermommy: yes

regular.sized.man: i just finished my last problem

metallicats: I'm with James right now and we both finished!

regular.sized.man: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

metallicats: edward jackson elric mustang you stop that right now young man

regular.sized.man: adfhiapdfhua every time i hear my full name like that i scream

bigdaddy: would we call you anything else

biggermommy: little shit

metallicats: asshole

regular.sized.man: a disappointment

metallicats: ed no

biggermommy: honey do you need more antidepressants

regular.sized.man: no riza i am fine its just My Brand

biggermommy: uh okay

**The Avengers But We Can Say Fuck**

**Members -**

_bigdaddy_  
_biggermommy_  
_stabby_  
_memebigboy_  
_hackerman_  
_applebottom.jean_

\- _biggermommy_ is online - 

biggermommy: kain can you put in another refill for eds medication i think he's out again

hackerman: yeah on it!

applebottom.jean: how are the childrens today?

bigdaddy: well besides more /jokes/ this morning from edward i think they're alright

bigdaddy: might need to start putting condoms into al's backpack though

stabby: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

biggermommy: hughes no stop that

memebigboy: dads of the year 2019

bigdaddy: breda you've unleashed the monster

\- _biggermommy_ has muted messages from _stabby_ \- 

biggermommy: crisis averted

hackerman: riza now he's using the announcements tag to spam elicia and gracia

biggermommy: am i the only one with admin here

bigdaddy: after you banned me, yes

biggermommy: damn it

**Beautiful Blonde Badasses**

**Members -**  
  
biggermommy  
regular.sized.man

biggermommy: hey ed you know you can call us mom and dad right? 

regular.sized.man: yeah i know

biggermommy: okay

biggermommy: just making sure

regular.sized.man: okay 

regular.sized.man: <3


	2. edwards a dummy huh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> linkyaoi: wait what did he do???
> 
> metallicats: He got arrested because some idiot teacher thought his painkillers were ketamine.
> 
> gearhead: aren't they?
> 
> metallicats: Well, yes. But they're prescribed and legal for him to use.
> 
> ninjachan: well damn

**Call Transcript**

**Unknown Number >>> Roy Mustang**

"Roy Mustang speaking."

"Roy?"

"Edward? What's up, kiddo? Aren't you at school?"

"Uh, about that." **Shaky laughter.** "I'm actually in jail right now?"

"You're what? Why are you in jail?"

"There was- you know what, I'll explain it later. I swear I didn't do anything illegal, it's just a misunderstanding."

"You're grounded if I find out otherwise, you know that right?"

"Yes, Roy."

"I'll be there soon."

"Okay."

"Ed?"

"Hm?"

**Faint rustling and background noise.** "I love you."

"Love you too. Thanks."

**Call End.**

**Call Transcript**

**Roy Mustang >>> Riza Mustang**

"Roy, if this is another call about buying you mini donuts the answer is still no."

"Edward got arrested. I need you to meet me there."

"Wait, what? Ed got arrested? How the fuck?"

"I don't know, he wouldn't tell me. Pleading the fifth, maybe."

"Okay, I'm with Havoc and Hughes right now, we're working on a case, but I'll be down as soon as I can. Should I call Alphonse?"

"No, I think it's fine. Knowing Ed he probably just picked a fight with the wrong kid."

"Hopefully it's nothing bad. He knows he's grounded for the rest of his life if it's an offense to be tried in adult court, right?"

"Riz, I don't think he committed manslaughter."

"Probably not."

"Okay, I'm driving. I'll see you later. Love you."

"Love you too, Roy. Drive safe."

**Call End.**

**Family Feud**

**Members -**

_bigdaddy_   
_biggermommy_   
_regular.sized.man_   
_metallicats_

metallicats: There's a rumor going around that Ed was arrested for snorting cocaine in the bathroom? Can I get confirmation?

bigdaddy: not true, al

bigdaddy: but he was arrested for apparent drug possession, from what i was told

metallicats: What? Why?

bigdaddy: i don't know

metallicats: Is he alright though?

bigdaddy: they're bringing him into one of the rooms soon, i'll let you know later

metallicats: Alright. Make sure to smack him for me!

bigdaddy: i will, al

metallicats: :)

**The C Team**

**Members -**

_regular.sized.man_  
_metallicats_  
_linkyaoi_  
_pandaexpress_  
_gearhead_  
_fergalicious.avaricious_  
_ninjachan_  
_rayoffuckingsunshine_  
_noboyfriend.noproblem_

gearhead: what did roy say al?

metallicats: screenshot.jpeg

metallicats: I'll update you guys when I get more info, but he might be actually charged with possession of illegal substances.

linkyaoi: :O not my boyfriend!

ninjachan: i'm just pissed he didn't offer me any

pandaexpress: it would have cost you $0.00 to say that and yet

rayoffuckingsunshine: how could you say something so controversial yet brave

noboyfriend.noproblem: god big mood

gearhead: three types of people

fergalicious.avaricious: i'm pissed cause he bought from another dealer!

linkyaoi: 4*

linkyaoi: 4 types of people.

**The C Team**

**Members -**

_regular.sized.man_  
_metallicats_  
_linkyaoi_  
_pandaexpress_  
_gearhead_  
_fergalicious.avaricious_  
_ninjachan_  
_rayoffuckingsunshine_  
_noboyfriend.noproblem_

metallicats: Edward is safe at home right now, but he won't be on his phone for a little bit.

linkyaoi: wait what did he do???

metallicats: He got arrested because some idiot teacher thought his painkillers were ketamine.

gearhead: aren't they?

metallicats: Well, yes. But they're prescribed and legal for him to use.

ninjachan: well damn

metallicats: And since it's raining outside his stumps hurt.

gearhead: oooohhh yeah i heard the thunder from the basement

metallicats: Which is why he needed his painkillers. He's currently trying not to cry while curled up in his bed and watching YouTube.

linkyaoi: should i. . .?

metallicats: He says if you want to come over it's fine, Mom and Dad say so too.

linkyaoi: mkay thanks alphonse

metallicats: Sure thing Ling! You can let yourself in - there'll be condoms in the mailbox if you want to grab them.

ninjachan: wow okay

rayoffuckingsunshine: what the flippity fuck al

metallicats: Just thought I'd offer!

pandaexpress: do I need to hear this? absolutely not! thanks alphonse!

metallicats: I love you too Mei! <3

pandaexpress: ugh <3


End file.
